It’s the Monday following Mother’s Day, 2022. Like most people in our generation, I woke up and the first thing I did was check social media. For me, it starts with Facebook. There were walls plastered with poems and beautiful quotes about mothers and a mother’s love. Some of the posts made me wonder if the public adoration matched the private behavior. I know some of these people and the way they speak about their mothers in private did not match the posts being shared. That’s the challenge of social media. Sometimes what we see isn’t the truth. Sometimes what we see is merely group think and utter bullshit.
For a moment, I wondered if it seemed like I didn’t love my mother because I did not post her. I did not share our love with the world. There was no adoring post. I did not change my profile picture to include her. Perhaps I should have outwardly celebrated her more. Hell, I didn’t even send her a Mother’s Day card. I have, in the past celebrated her with long posts, including special memories from my childhood. This year, I didn’t, because I didn’t want to. Despite what society told me. I did not want to, and I did not have to. My momma taught me that.
They called it A Compilation of Motherly Wisdom. Each mother provided a quote to their daughter. It was our Senior year Mother/Daughter Breakfast. Each student was given a small booklet of quotes and a laundry bag as the gift. Several moms quoted poets, one mom quoted Nike, the culminating quote was from a song. I knew my mother. She wasn’t going to give empty advice.
Quickly, I opened it, and found her quote.
Never be a follower.
Since I was old enough to explore the world on my own, she always said to me “think for yourself” It was her parenting mantra no matter where I was going, a friend’s house, off to college or moving across country in my early 20s, she was clear. She was intentional. Her words are why I am here today. Love is the not greatest gift my mother gave me. My independence is.
Her consistent insistence that I listen to my voice ahead of all others is the reason I am unapologetic in seeking pleasure. Doing this work, provides me with the opportunity to share that idea with other women, couples and groups. As consenting adults, we get to do what you want and only what we want.
My mother was the first person to give me permission to feel good. She taught me the importance of self-pleasure. She encouraged me to look at my vulva in a mirror. My mom said, “it’s yours, touch it as often and however you like.” Because of her, I’ve never faked an orgasm I didn’t want to fake. I’ve never had a lover I was afraid to instruct. I’ve never been afraid to love anyone who intrigued me. Because of her, I get to live an authentic life driven by passionate honesty. It is a gift.
In a world where people are so easily connected and information is so easily shared, we must be careful about the messages we give ourselves. We must be careful about who we follow and about whose voice we listen to.
Take a moment and listen to your inner voice. How have you been shaped to navigate the world? Whether you choose to work with us alone, with your partner or in a group, we are here to help you to seek pleasure and put yourself first.
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